You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If that was your dad, he is hot
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
