I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
