Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
