I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
