I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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