That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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