this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
