I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
