The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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