ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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