I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
