New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
