Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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