I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Did I show you my penis last night?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
