i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
