you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
