New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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