she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
