I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
