The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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