I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
