I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
