I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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