not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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