You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
