You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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