Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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