I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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