u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
a search helicopter?!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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