Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
