The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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