Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
someone owes me an orgasm
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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