i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
