you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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