Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
