Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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