all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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