the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
