You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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