I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
