Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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