If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
