I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
