If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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