my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
