I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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