I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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