I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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