the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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