I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
