i permit you to call me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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