Tell her she can't have a vagina
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
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I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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