it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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