Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
