You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize