You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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