Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
