i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
