Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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