Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
