While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't deserve a penis
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize