when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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