Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
